Ride of a lifetime

What would you do when you get a health condition that force you to undergo three major operations in a row within the span of 4 months? What would be the inspiration for you to move forward when you are out of your best health and education for many many months? What psychological motivation will make you stay calm and focussed when you are in extreme physical pain not to mention the deep mental strain? What kind of hope would you need to overcome the financial burden and to look for years beyond? And what can you do when you can't do much about something? You just accept it and hope for the best?

Not long ago, I was in such a state where dreams were behind an operation table. Hopes were waiting outside and prayers travelling at a speed more than that of light. Help was limited but just enough to keep sailing. A healthy man who looked good to go miles was lying helpless and wishing for better times. You can reduce some of your mental strain by talking. But you cannot do much with physical pain particularly when even the pain killers are not helping. The world around him had shrunk as it happens mostly when there are difficult situations. You smile and a thousand people join you; you cry and you cry alone. I did.

My friends and relatives used to visit. Some of them fainted. I did not look the way as I used to be. I was lying on the table of a general ward in one of the hospitals in Thrissur. Without pillows. There was a heavy bandage around my abdomen that virtually separated my waist and legs from my chest. Under the bandage, my stomach had stitches that counted 8, 12 and 15 respectively for each of the operation I had undergone on May 3rd, June 14th and August 29th. There was a long tube that was running from my nose pumping a brown liquid in irregular intervals to a plastic bag that was clipped to the side of the table. There was a cut on the lower right side of my stomach without any stitches which again was running a tube to pump a similar brownish and black liquid off the inner side of my abdomen. This too was attached to a plastic bag to collect the liquid which will be disposed. There was continous drip, heavy anti biotics and glucose alternatively or combined, that had made both my hands swollen. One more plastic tube came out of my urinal organ to pass urine as it seemed that the connection to my lower side was cut off. It could have made a good caricature but a real life situation is much more than pure imagination and beyond sympathy.

I knew that life went normal beyond the hospital corridors. Still some of my friends took the pain to write class notes for me or visit once in a while to inquire about my condition and to wish me better days. Some teachers too joined with whom I never had personal conversations and some of them even offered financial help. My mother refused it at my request. We were happy that at least there were people who cared. An unexpected set of people from my village came forward to donate blood and some of my classmates found blood donors from the college. There was a large set of people who were expected but did not appear at all. Some of my friends suggested a money pool from college; we thanked their efforts but refused fearing that there might be worst times ahead. Some of my relatives took shifts to take care of me. To help me move or sit up. To clean me up with wet clothes.

No food and no drinks for days. There was nothing much to do than reading, ifI could, and sleep, If I could. I watched the ceiling fans. I watched new patients coming and old ones leaving. Some of them died in front of me. I waited for white dresses of the caring nurses who go by and begged for pain killers although I knew that it is of no use. I longed for somebody to take me out, to breathe the fresh air, to jump out of the multi-storied building and commit suicide. Then I knew that challenge always lies in facing it, not escaping from it. Its easy to do the latter and requires much courage and will to do the first. There were a lot of people who were spending time and energy for me, to see me in shape. I had to do justice to them.

During the period from May beginning to August end of 1993, I had visited four hospitals, admitted seven times, advised tube through nose and enema 5 times, taken numerous X-rays, allowed more than 200 bottles of glucose and medicine through my veins, saved more than a handful of bills just to remind myself later, punctured my body with needles, slept and ate very little, attended classes and written exams whenever I could, between three surgeries. Pain was a regular visitor followed by late night car rentals to reach a doctor or hospital. The regularity of the life was shattered, debts neck high and future bleak.

Perforated appendix, an extreme condition of appendicitis, is a medical emergency and a life threatening situation if not taken care of properly. My first visit to Thrissur Medical College Hospital on May 3rd, 1993 was with this emergency. It was the day after famous Thrissur Pooram. I had gone to enjoy it with my friends when I found that I was not well and decided to stay in my relative's house in the town. The next day, I visited a doctor, and told about the symptoms which were fever, diarrhoea, head ache, abdominal pain and vomiting. He had given some medicines but the real cause was never found. Only when I collapsed next day morning, I was taken to the hospital. I stayed there till evening before the diagnosis was made, by a two inch or more size needle long enough to pierce my stomach and reach the depths to pull out some puss, and the doctors decided to do surgery. If I had not died by the abdominal pain, this exercise almost made it happen. Why they gave pain killers and waited till the evening is still a question that surprises me. Regular doctors were on leave and two new doctors, one of them a house surgeon, did the surgery but I still believe that they did not do their job properly as such a case should have been carried out a little more carefully.

Thrissur medical college hospital was a hell. The nurses did not seem to care unless you pass some bucks under the table. The ward assistants eyes will blink with the shining of fresh bills and they might help you to get a stretcher. Doctors or house surgeons were as much indifferent as the over enthusiasm of the regularly visiting medical students who would become tomorrow's doctors. The fact that I was also a professional engineering college student did not matter.The general wards portrayed a picture not to forget. Rusted bed frames, torn spongy mattresses, broken glass windows, extremely spoiled toilets with water and human waste(I am sorry but it was damn bad and I can't resist speaking about the condition) running to the nearest bed outside the cabin, smell of rotten flesh from injured or diabetic patients fighting flies with plastic covers, smell of waste from outside the building. I experienced that there was no respect for people without money. Taxes were useless. Ministers and governments least bothered. Then why did I chose to go there? First of all, I did not know it. I was never there before. Second, the post man was supposed to deliver a cheque or money order or a bank statement to my home only years later.

On my second visit to Thrissur medical college hospital, again on severe pain and gas formation in the stomach that virtually made impossible for me to move, we decided to get a room in pay ward. The room was too small with no bulbs and wires were hanging down. Did not see many around. At least the bad smell was gone. We wanted to show the regular doctor that we were capable of money that he can tap if he wanted. We did not want to go to a different place where we had to start from the beginning. But all our hopes vanished when he suggested for a second surgery. We did not want to do it there. With some promises on money from neighbours and relatives, we moved to Thrissur West Fort hospital.

Life was much much better in West Fort hospital. I found a god in Dr.Francis, a retired medical college professor. Nurses were angels. Wards were clean and fresh, toilets were neat, environment was healthy. Money mattered. Money is not everything and there are some things that cannot be bought with money. Still, money was power. I received good attention and better treatment. I was promised medicines instead of surgery. But the joy did not last long. I had to return to the hospital for a second surgery on June 14th. The doctor should have got an idea of the situation only then. I went back and forth and was almost about to attend my 4th semester final semester exams, I had managed to attend all my internal exams in these struggles, when bad luck struck again by the end of August. I had gone to a gatroenterologist of Elite hospital hoping that he would be able to guide me through my after surgery period. On August 29th, I got admitted in Elite hospital but after learning that a surgery will be must, decided to stick with my surgeon, Dr.Francis, of West Fort hospital.

People were celebrating Onam, the most celebrated festival of Kerala, the next day. I was waiting for the only assistant to come and shave my chest and lower abdomen through knees, which was a regular thing before all surgery. I lied there, as if there is nothing worst that could happen, and allowed a lady nurse to shave almost everything except my private parts. A 20 year old man had reasons to be embarrassed but could not help it. For the third time in four months, I was taken to an operation room, leaving my parents and brother in tears and little hope, to undergo anesthesia followed by a 15 stitch operation. The knives would have been happy to find a known territory and this time the stitches were done with a thread that would not dissolve, the knot of which I can feel under my skin even today. It pains when I stretches, the skin is itchy, the thought of the days scary.

For a complete year, I survived on idly, food prepared from rice and urad dal, alone. I depended on two spoonfuls of a white liquid medicine everyday night to have easy stools in the morning before slowly changing and mixing with small bananas on a gradual transition to completely get rid of it. I was 100 percent vegetarian during these days. I protected my abdomen during heavy rush on buses, walked slowly, ate light and studied hard to catch up for an entire year. I ate long grain rice in the feast associated with the yearly festival being held in Pavaratty church, sometime in April or May of 1994.

It definitely was a tough time that taught me more than one lesson. On relations, friendship, love, money, support and much more. It was hell of a journey that demanded a lot. I wanted to believe that there was no God or a super power. What did I do to receive such a harsh test in my life? Later I was told by a nun, who visited me in the hospital, that God gives tests to those who can handle it. And only to make them strong. I complained in my mind that God was never with me. Later in IIT, one of my friend showed me a poster on footprints and I learned that when I thought that I was alone, when I thought that I saw only my footprints on the sand, there was God with me and that he was carrying me. When I look back now, after almost a dozen years, I find out that the tests had indeed made me a better person.

These days, when I take my shirt off, my two and half year old daughter will come to me and ask pointing to the scar on my right hand side which did not have any stitches: "Dad, is this your belly button?". I just laugh seeing her innocent face and tell her: "No my dear, it is not". One day I will tell her the lessons I have learned, but only if she is willing to listen.

Footprints

There were only two people in this earth who had no hesitation to come to my room (308 Brahmaputra hostel, IIT Madras, Chennai) and spend as much time as they wish; to read, to listen to music, to talk about almost everything on this earth, to sleep or to simply sit on chair or lie down and transcend into oblivion. One was Rekesh bhai who is now a successful software engineer and living in California with his wife and beautiful (I haven't seen them, not even photos, but then which daughter of ours is not beautiful born yet to date?) daughters. The other one is Nandhan bhai who was last heard through his blog and must be thinking about his next travel plans now.

What makes these two so special and stand out was the influence of their character and hobbies that made a positive impact on my otherwise ordinary life. Rekesh John is from Alwaye (Aaluva for most Keralites) and Nandakumar Ramavarma hails from Chalakudy. Alwaye and Chalakudy are two well known towns in Kerala and these two will be among the best to talk about the historical significance of the same. It was through Rekesh, who had come back after resigning a prestigious job in US to join as a project associate of my research guide Prof.C.R.Muthukrishnan, I met Nandakumar. Rekesh was a previous disciple of my guide, I learned later. Nandakumar had dropped his interest in doing PhD in physics and was seeking his self (or destiny?) for years before he went on to do MTech in Computer science in Hyderabad. More than MTech, the prospect of learning and experiencing the history and culture of Hyderabad might have attracted this vivid traveller and thinker. There was one thing in common between these two, whom I met during the initial years of my research life in IIT. Both of them dared to meet the pleasure of finding their selves, one leaving a high profile job and other a promising PhD. There won't be many who is willing to take a step back and listen to their heart, in this busy and mad world towards economical wisdom. Before I could know, I had started respecting and admiring these two individuals and my inner self had already started learning from them.

It was Rekesh who introduced me to socket and thread programming and induced life in my research. It was through him that I started my journey into the world of Archies, Asterix, Tintin, Calvin and Hobbes and National Geographic, to name a few. It was his passion and religious beliefs that made me to believe in myself and execute the plans that God has for me. He might not have meant it, but I believe that he was a means by the powers to reach me. Rekesh used to speak less, think more, and mean much. On many occasions he taught me the art of forgiving and the power that brings to our self. Silence had its own language when Rekesh was around. But he talked about Kalki and his experiences and I used to be the listener that I am, occasionally asking questions that my little brain could not digest fast. We travelled on bicycles and he showed me what good chinese food tastes like. We used to have dinner from Waldorf restaurant just outside the IIT gate before moving on to an economical, but still tasty, one on the way to Adyar signal, credit of finding it going to Nandakumar. Time, the busy traveller it is, went past hours to days and then to months and before I knew, Rekesh was saying bye to IIT. By then I had learned to accept the pain of separation.

If Rekesh was the last one who would speak in a company of myself and Nandakumar, it was Nandakumar who used to do most of the talking. That was the contrast, but you appreciate a contrast only with comparable stuff. Nandakumar can talk on anything from Kundalini to Kumbhakonam. (Don't read too much here, its only for the pun). His forte, I believe, is travelling. Now don't misunderstand me. Travelling into anything and probably its best narration too. It could be his journey to Nepal with his mother or a short visit to one of the temple towns of South India. It might be an inspired reading of The Name of the Rose (1981) written by the Italian novelist Umberto Eco. It could be on the absence of a proper word in Malayalam for the English word You. Or even a trip to the local restuarant that probed his observation power. He brought me a present from his Pondichery trip and it was a poster version of the Footprints, on which he has written in his blog. Later, the words and meaning of Footprints turned out to be one of the most important asset in my journey towards finding my own self and the meaning of life. It was a relief for some one like me who had gone through stuggles after struggle and Nandakumar knew it perfectly to present it to me. What he did not know, then and probably now, was the kind of impact it had on me. I followed him to the Theosophical society in Adyar, Institute of Mathematical Sciences in Tharamani, his temperory residence in Thiruvanmiyur, the Steven Spielberg movie Amistad, his advice on not spitting to the sink a final time after I have finished with my wash, his adventures and failures in life and, very rarely, a bottle of beer. He is a wizard with special skills and understanding in mathematics, history and use of language. He himself selected the words to describe the relation between us, as I was short of vocabulary, to fill in the acknowledgement section, which gave importance to private relations than official ones, of my MS thesis. It portrayed him as a fellow traveller and kindred spirit. Truly he is.

During that golden period, anybody visiting 308 Brahmaputra used to read a line fixed on the door that I borrowed from one photo of an old National Geographic magazine: "There is no place just like this place anywhere near this place; so this must be the place". I wish whether I could go back in time!!!

Skits and Hits

The first time I took pen to write a drama was when I was doing my 10th. The inspiration was because I was not selected in the main drama troop of the class for the youth festival. Obviously I could not have got selected for my acting skills and also because the only term as an actor for me was when I was in 3rd. But there were a set of friends who were also not satisfied at the selection process and when I talked about my idea, they encouraged me to go on. After all I was the undisputed class topper and they had huge belief in my abilities. Based on the winning name of previous year's best drama "Kazhuka Puranam", I wrote my first drama narrating the story of a saint getting tempted by the evils and named it "Naraka Puranam". The rehearsals went for a day or two and I was quick to realize that the story and the acting are not going to work. Much to the dismay of my classmates, I unilaterally pulled out and without the leader and director the drama did not went on to make it. Surprisingly, my brother who was also studying in 10th but in a different school took the script to his friends and presented it on stage. Though the drama did not receive any awards, I was happy that the time spent on it was not lost.

It took another six years for me to try something on stage again. It was the final semester of my bachelors at Govt. Engg. College, Thrissur. My class mate, friend and wellwisher Anto Jacob was planning to appear for fancy dress competition and he came up with this idea of portraying Aiswarya Rai, the Miss Universe of 1995. His dress, though not much, was the most simple but he looked great and my intuition told me that he is going to win the first prize (he got it indeed). On our way back from men's hostel to the stage, a five minute walking distance, one of my friend Vinod was asking me why I was not participating in any events. That question inspired me and I told him that I would like to present a skit, the subject was the issues faced by daughter-in-laws in their husband's homes mainly by husband's mother (in Malayalam, there is a word for it, Ammayiyammapporu. It makes me wonder whether this is unique to Indian culture or not). He promised me to find an actor by name Varghese who was doing his bachelors in Chemical Engineering. Along with him, myself and Anto would comprise the cast. With only three actors and a borrowed idea from a mimics parade (I take credit for applying it for the subject of competition), the skit was a huge success with Anto still in Aiswarya's dress in the daughter-in-law's role. I played the role of mother-in-law when Varghese played my son. I could see the judges laughing and almost assured the prize. Needless to say, it was awarded first prize. There were some reasons for it to win the prize. When everybody portrayed the mother-in-law as the cruel one for the suffering of the daughter-in-law, we turned the tables by presenting an indifferent and demanding daughter who forces the mother to break loose. And the theme was presented using the popular advertisement of a tea brand. Believe me, I would not have presented it if I knew that it won't be making headlines.

Booming with confidence, I moved forward to participate in another event named Invocation. This was a solo event where just five minutes before the event, the participants will be asked to draw one piece of paper on which will be name of a celebrity. It could be from movies, politics or sports. The participant has to talk like the celebrity for 3 minutes and answer question from the judges for 2 minutes. I wanted to get a movie star's name to try my mimicking abilities but got the name "Oommen Chandy" who is the chief minister of Kerala now. Based on my understanding of politics that prevailed in Kerala during that time, I managed to perform and answer some questions that was thrown at me. Although there were more than 10 participants, I secured a third place which was satisfying for some one who was about to finish his college days. Our participation and winning the prize was the talk of the day as nobody expected it. One of my friend who was from Electrical department came to me and told that he never thought that I would have the courage to participate in Invocation. I thought the same way too.

Since we won the first prize of the skit competition held under college level, we were given the opportunity to present skit during the inter collegiate competition of engineering colleges, Splash 95. Many colleges were participating and it was going to be held in our college. The subject was PTA (Parent Teachers Association). I could not get Varghese again but managed to get my other friend from Electrical department and along with Anto went for a shot at the competition. The idea again was mine laced with a popular TV advertisement (you see, it was a winning formula) and we went on to win the second prize.

Years have gone but I would still love to be back on stage. The creativity and satisfaction that comes with such programmes is something to be experienced. Better times were ahead and more on that later.

The Mountain Goat

Slow and steady wins the race. That's the philosophy the goat tells himself as it sets on course for the top of the hill. The goat admires the height of the hill, respects the ones who have been on top before or those on their journey up or down the hill. There is a target and as far as he can reach it without blocking others, the goat is happy and does not mind the discouragement or criticism. Why am I talking about a mountain goat? Simply because it is the sign that corresponds to a Capricorn and I am a Capricorn.

The world of Sun or Zodiac signs was one area that always fascinated me and I used to spend time to read books on them, mainly by Linda Goodman or on web, for the sheer pleasure of learning the behaviour of people and the possible influence on them by the time and location of their birth. One article had given a scientific twist claiming that since earth is mostly filled with water and there is scientific evidence on tides getting influenced by time of the day or moon or stars, it might be attributed to the character of human beings too because human body is also filled with lots of water. Frankly,I do not know much about it, but it is fun for me and that's why I read it.

People of all races of all times had been drawn to palmists, tarrot readers or astrologers mainly because most of the lot were anxious to know the future. The wise feasted on this anxiety (the same way insurance companies work now) and saw into the past, present,and future through crystals or betel leaves. General comments and reasonable assumptions fed the needy and they left for home satisfied while those with eyes into the future survived.

Rather than looking to what would happen to me tomorrow, I wanted to explain some of my behaviours, which I found common in many who were born as Capricorns, in the past and present and reason about why I did not behave in a different way, which I have noticed others who were born in other signs doing consistently. I had spotted a man cleaning the sides and top of the washbasin more than once. He was well dressed and looked taking too much time for cleanliness, be it on clothes or wash basin. I asked him whether he was born in September and he almost burst with surprise "How did you know?". He was a Virgoan. Another time, while on lunch table, I told one of my colleague who happened to be an American that Taureans, Capricorns and Virgos make the best match in relationships and she shot back asking me then why her marriage failed? She was a Capricorn and her ex-husband was a Taurean. Later she explained that it was because of the difference in cultures that led to the divorce and wished him success.

I learned that Librans are always behind a career while those born in Cancer sign will make the closest family ties. I also learned that Sagitarians are a bit luckier than the other signs when Geminis always go back and forth showing twin characters. Taureans are tall people, more in character if not in physique. It is highly likely that your superior was born under the sign Aries. Think that your wife shows true characteristics of a woman? She must be a Pisces. What is the sign your friend was born who looks a bit possessive on you? Nothing but Aquarius! And where is that commanding voice coming from? He looks like a cat or Lion? And who is that multi-talented, but a bit jealous, friend of yours? She is a Scorpion!

The best matches are always 6 signs ahead or behind. If there are some predominant characteristics for a person born under a particular sign, it makes sense to match them in relations for the simple reason that some of the behaviours are easy to go with another set. No wonder why matrimonial columns are filled with information on signs as well. Next time when you find somebody who behaves in that peculiar way, learn with the help of signs under which they were born. Although I did not follow it for my marriage, I find it too fun to be true.

One day before Christ!

It was on one of those cool mornings of December, exactly on the 24th of December 1974, I came out of one of the most secure place in the world for many children. Official records might indicate otherwise, but how many of the babies born before 80s got their official birth dates right that match their actual one? I could have stayed a little more but doctors had different ideas and I was handled a caesarean birth. I plan to sue them sometime later for forcing me and effectively ending plans for further children for my parents. They deprived me of chances of having younger siblings, especially sisters, and playing and growing with them. World was not fair then too as I was about to find out soon.

I realized that India was a secular country by knowing that I had Christian neighbours on the left where as I had a Muslim family to our right. I did not feel any difference then and now apart from the fact that my Christian neighbours used to visit church on every Sunday and held prayers before dinner every evening. I knew that there were at least five times a day my other side went to prayers and understood that there must be something good in doing prayers. Although we used to visit temples, I always took pride in my mom offering the first set of eggs, from the small chicken farm (may be 10 or less) she used to grow, to the church rather than to the temple (Hindu gods WERE complete vegetarians). And we used to occasionally spent time to offer prayers and coins to the tomb of a Muslim Sheikh, who was known for his healing skills and powers, on the way to my mother's ancestral home. She taught me true secularism by showing respect to other religions andI learned everybody's right and need to exist in this beautiful world. Later in my life, friends from all caste and religion played a great part making me believe that I must be lucky to have born in India.

For every failure or inability to face a challenge, there would be an excuse. And conversions are excuses. As far as it brings relief to the individual, fair enough. Preaching that I am right and others are wrong will only increase tension and create confusion. There is no absolute right. It is relative. Relative to time and space. A right here might be wrong somewhere else some other time. India was fortunate enough to reap the benefits of the various cultures and religions it embraced. If children are the largest asset of a country, if their education is the major investment, then the work of convent schools run by Christian missionaries should get a pat on the back. I did my education with nuns for more than 7 years and always thank them for the strongest foundation they built for me to bloom. True that I learned bible stories quite often, but it always made me a better person in life. To suffer, forgive and sacrifice. To be patient, to understand and to give. And of course to die for those you love.

I always believed in coincidences. If I was born one day before a Christmas day, I got married a day before one Good Friday. It was on 20th of April 2000, Maundy Thursday. I was crucified a day before only to find myself resurrect and find out true meaning of life. Jesus Christ, for me, is a hero than a God whom I hold close to my heart. And truly he was a human being than a God. He died for the masses to show them the power of forgiveness and pain and pleasure of sacrifice. Writing about the power of the Almighty bring tears to my eyes and that's the way I return the favours. I believe in the plan God has for me and want to live that plan to the best of my abilities. I am sure that He will forgive me for the sins I have committed and lead me to a better person through the tests each and every day. Oh God, I believe in you and I want you to show me the way. And I thank you for the days you give me in this world for I know that it can end any time. Let me make it good for me as well as others.

Doesn't it feel good to be in the security of the most powerful when you are living in a city of man made security which is not flawless? I remember the caption of the 1994 movie, The Shawshank Redemption: "Fear can hold you prisoner; Hope can set you Free".

God's Own Country

The think tank of Communist Party of India (Marxist), the Polit Bureau, has found out that information technology is also an area where strikes can be called for. This was the only area where it was missing and CPI(M) and its trade union CITU would be more than happy to see it implemented in the IT sector.

There was a time when communist thoughts were riding the minds of the youths as well as labour class of Kerala. True that it had brought many historical changes in the landscape. But it has to be admitted that the party and its brains had remained largely in the past while forgetting to accept the present and to move forward to the future. Its leaders now lack the vision and is mostly blinded by the power if not the willingness to learn. State of other political parties are not better, if not worst.

Kerala will most likely be the state with most number of official holidays. In addition to that, strikes and hartals bring the state to a near zero in terms of development. How many productive days are available to a worker or student, thanks to the collective effort of all the political parties. I would definitely say that it could be close to half of the number of days in the year. One day or more out of the 5 working days are lost. Will anybody with a clear mind invest in Kerala? And how then canwe bring jobs for the masses?

Forget the saturdays and sundays. Forget the holidays of festivals for each and every religion that exists in the state. Each and every political party that ranges from National and Kerala Congresses with all the letters of english language contributing to the fathers and sons and national figures, the hindu christian muslim leagues and outfits, the nairs, the ezhuvas, the student unions, the trade unions. Can't it be easily seen that Kerala's industry and education get very little out of all these parties?

The hard core communists, while during their study period, but when moved to out of state or country, I have noticed that, do not approve of the current state of God's own country. The strikes and hartals might be needed but a sane person cannot digest why it has to be for the odd reasons or why the tax payer's money need to be destroyed in the form of KSRTC buses or state vehicles or department offices. Ultimately the chief minister or home minister won't pay from their pocket. So is the opposition leader or the person who called for the strike. It comes from the public. It comes from the poorest of poor who still survive on less than a dollar per day in Kerala. How will the state grow if the economy is not supported well? Probably the parties want the masses to remain poor and ignorant!

NRK (Non resident Keralite)s often find amused and frustrated at how pathetic is the functioning of the affairs in the state. There is no program that speeds up processing which had led to large corruption at most of the government offices. It is widely believed that opposition parties need to show mutual exclusion with the ideas or developmental activities of the state. Although the state is run by much of the foreign money sent by NRKs, life is not simple for an average person who return to the state for holidays or for good.

Keralites have the greatest ego that they are the best and they know everything. True that they are smart enough to beat anybody in the business, but isn't it possible that the story of the frog in a well that has not seen the world is missed or purposefully forgotten? People in Kerala need to know that there is a better world out there and that there could be better ways to progress or development than living with red, safron or tri-color flags. After almost 6 decades of freedom, we are still deprived of many things that do not cost much.

Every child born in Kerala deserves more. They have waited so many years and its a crime that the surroundings haven't changed much. They deserve better or there will be a time that they will question us. And we will have to run for covers then if we do not ask the question ourselves and act, now! Oh! I forgot! Most of our children are now born and brought up overseas. How thoughtful we are! Long live Keralites. Long live Kerala. God must be wondering when he signed on the papers of adoption of this lovely state. Highly likely that it is on a hartal day.

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. "
-William Shakespeare

Suresh is a common name in India. I always wondered why did my parents chose this name when there were at least two other immediate relatives with the same name. Probably I found it incomplete that you are seeing it now as Suresh Thundathil Bhaskaran. That makes sense. Isn't it?

There was a time in Kerala where children were named after the first few letters of their parents. I had read an article once on what it could be if this theory was followed for the children of Lohithakshan and Rinu or Pushpangadhan and Kalyani. Some of the combinations would surely make you laugh!

Suresh, I believe, means Easan (Lord) of Surans (Devas). There is a conflict in who actually is the Lord (well, at least for me). Is it Indran (King of Devas) or Siva or Vishnu? I was told that it is Siva, the destructor in the trinity of Gods (Vow! Its there in Hinduism too). Interestingly, my brother's name is Girish (Lord of Hills) which again is Siva. So what was the point in choosing two Sivas in the same house?

I have been nick named Unni (means small) which again is popular in Kerala's homes. Some of my friends started calling me Dinkan (after the super power cartoon character in one of the monthly publishings for the kids). The reason could be that I was there for them whenever they needed me, which was the most celebrated virtue of the character. I remember an incident when I traced the character to hold my name and address in a box (drawn) for my composition notebook. It was widely accepted that the notebooks had to be clean and neat without any unwanted writings but surprisingly my class teacher did allow it and that was a welcome gesture from her part which I remember even now (obviously).

Some of my friends call me TB (TeeBee) after my initials. Some of them expand it to Tuberculosis or Text Book. It used to be a common practice in school days to make it the most intriguing one. Frankly I loved the nick names as it added a personal touch. It was Sunny in Madras during my post graduation period where a limited but big set called me by name Manthru (short for Manthravadi, a sorcerer or wizard). When Sunny was discovered by adding the vast number of Sun machines to my nick name Unni, Manthru was given by one of my seniors by seeing me bare chested with a Rudraksha chain and a red lungi.

In Dubai, the name was Myna in my friends circle. Myna is a small bird usually found in Kerala. The reason why this name came is because there used to be a chapter in one of the elementary schoolbooks which goes as:

"Kla kli klooo...Evide ninnana sabdham? Suresh thirinju nokki".
(Kla kli kloo..where did that sound come from? Suresh looked back!)

These were the first few lines of the chapter that described the bird and Suresh was a character in it. It feels good to have your name on books you follow or learn. That exactly was the reason why my friends remembered it.

Whatever name was given, I took pride in the closeness I felt by hearing it. Be it friends or colleagues or relatives, it was good to hear them calling specific, not very common, names.

My daughter was named Sruthi Lakshmi (inspired by the ashta, means eight, lakshmi temple inMadras that has 8 different versions of Lakshmi, the goddess of prosperity). And it was a consensus to pacify my paternal and maternal sides as both of my grandmother's name is Lakshmi. But now she does not respond to that name as she is given another name Minnu (that glitters).

Names can reflect on your character. It would be difficult to show a character that is against the meaning of your name. Although it happens quite often on the opposite way, if given right explanations to a child, a name can make great changes in their life. Many take pride in their names. In giving unique names to their children and even homes. It influence your selections. Be it a vehicle brand or spouse.

There is something to a name! Shakespeare must be wrong!

Hindu Government

No! I am not going to talk about a particular party coming to power in India or Nepal or Bhutan. Also I am not going to talk about the politics in countries like Suriname, Trinidad & Tobago or Guyana where Hinduism is practised . Rather I would like to talk about the distribution of power among Gods of Hindus with my own interpretations.

I must make myself clear that I am a God fearing person but that does not mean that I will not take advantage of the strong roots of Hinduism because I know that it is not going to be uprooted by my sayings. AlsoI believe that Hinduism as such is not a religion but a culture. It has the highest level of freedom that persons like me can try to interpret it in own ways. I haven't read in any vedic writings that the protection of this great culture, like many other religion, has been given to a person or a set of people. It can protect itself. If not, it is not good to be followed.

The Gods at the helm of the government are Brahma, the creator, Vishnu, the sustainer and Siva, the destroyer. This trinity of Gods share powers that are sort of mutually exclusive and there are many instances where they have shown their inability to venture into other's arena. The powers also show the cycle that every human being need to go through. It is easily understood that there is an end to everything.

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Brahma knew it even before the mortal scientists and so came the concept of soul. The body perishes but not the soul. There are countless instances of certain Shakti (avataror reincarnation) that got created for a purpose (mostly to kill or steal). All of it was not new, but a new form of an existing power meant to do certain business. Otherwise there could have been thousands of Gods more than the numerous ones right now we have. But to the disgust of super powers, the perished evils came back in another form. Rules were good for gods as well as evil spirits.

I find it interesting to note that wherever there is good governance, there will be a good set who will not allow it to happen for their own sake.Ther are selfish motives that govern topplings of governments or support of governments. The most important fact is that the sets remain the same, whether the government or the opposition. It only rotates. It never goesout. The beneficiaries are within the set and democracy suffers.

Coming back to Hindu government, there is chief minister (Indra), irrigation minister (Varun), electricity minister (Agni), Health minister (Aswin brothers), Defense minister (Ganesh), Environment minister (Vayu), Minister for light (Surya), Minister of death and related affairs (Yama) and it goes on. As more and more quakes hit the earth, more and more hurricanes crush regions, gas and oil reserves touch bottom lines, global warming makes news, I find it interesting to see a culture that has found divineness in each and every thing on the earth. If we could act a bit more sane towards nature, it would definitely matter a lot. For the generations to come.

This culture has given more importance to women than any other religionsI have learned so far. This government is an Equal opportunity employer. There were goddesses of prosperity, music, education, finance. Saraswathy, Lakshmi, Kali, Durga, Parvathy, Ganga. All found respected positions. The half man - half woman (Ardhanareeswara) concept truly resembles the kind of importance that women enjoy in Hindu culture.

The birds, animals, water, fire and what else. Name anything that needs to be sustained or needed and that had been given a place in the literature.True that bars, dances, alcohol and even call girls gets pictured that makes this a culture that has foreseen the global world.

Religion is what you follow and practise. There has to be a place for everything in this world. We must coexist and we must respect each other. We must learn to respect the resources too. History teaches that violence cannot bring peace. Only peace can bring peace. It is through self respect and, more importantly, respect of others, true peace can be achieved.

Energy can neither be created nor be destroyed. Gods must be the same. Only forms are different. They preached the same but in different languages with same meanings. Interpreters made it difficult for the unwise. Don't give up your abilities to think and learn. There are whites and blacks. But it is not by your color but by your actions. It is not by your race but by your sayings. It is not by what you preaches but what you follow.

Who are you? A White or Black?

Marriages happen in heaven!

What is the most important decision that you have taken in your life? It can range from buying a vehicle or building a house or choosing a career to selecting a spouse. Why did I stop there? There you are! If you are still married, it is most likely that now your decisions are influenced. It is not your decisions any more. Its more of a collective decision. The percentage might vary but still it is not your decision exclusively. And what if you have a baby? Thats it! Rewind and think about the most important decision you have taken. Go back in time and learn why it has become so important in your life today.

Love marriages, I have been told and to a certain extent experienced as well, are like climbing the hill. It presents a lot of adventurous opportunities, excitement of reaching new territories, possibilities for exploration and much more. What if the top is reached? Much of the excitement is lost as you can see now clearly how the world looks like. The fog is not there that blinds your eyes. The scenery has lost its charm and the thought of descending the hill makes you sour. The winds are not hot any more as it has become chilly and flows freely. The stars on the sky above you are no longer seen, which you thought might be there throughout, as dark clouds begin to cast their shadow on the horizon. You look for ways to reach the even turf where you will be more comfortable, which you think, to be with your friends and relatives, and search for maps in your luggage. You end up finding a dictionary where divorce comes before marriage. Sounds too discouraging? Not yet!

It is certainly very much interesting to choose the path less travelled. Every path has its own plus and minus. Pros and cons. It unravels the beauty of life with the mix of tricks up its sleeves. How good you are to accept the variety or the diversity that it unveils will make your life a success or failure. Marriage is an institution run by both husband and wife(I do have my opinion on same sex marriages, but will tell about it later). Its no longer an individual and his or her wishes. Its a consensus of the desires where understanding, adjustment, and sacrifice play a big role. There won't be much disagreement on that fact. Now those qualities will need more potential and higher levels of contribution when the spouses are from different background. Economics, Geography,Caste, Religion, Race, Color, Physique, Beauty, Customs and Rituals. More the differences, much more is required to be in sync with the qualities I mentioned. Since love marriages seldom find it, there is a very high chance that it is likely to fail.

What makes love marriages prone to failures more often other than the factors mentioned above? Added responsibility. The couple often find themselves alone to be blamed for the current state they are in. Since it is not easy to blame the self, the other person has to take it and that adds tension. Suddenly the world outside will look brighter. Its natural. Another reason is the social aspect of a marriage. Although marriage is between two individuals, relatives and friends play a big role in the successful run of the institution. Couples from different background find it difficult as it is not only both of them but the entire core around them has to understand, adjust and sacrifice. This would not make life easier. Even if everything works out well, under the roof, with both of them together but alone with their own ego and unwillingness to accept and desire to argue and win ultimately leads to failure of both.

Does that conclude that arranged marriages are better than love marriages? Never! Love marriages fail because the couple who decided to get married have the guts to break it. That is the same guts that made them to get married initially. Arranged marriages have a lot more decision makers involved and it is likely that their constant involvement will induce more strength to overcome the difficulties they face in life. Divorces might be happening more with love marriages because they are willing to say good bye for the better of both. It is possible that more and more arranged marriages still continue for the sake of it although it is much more in a distress state. The couple usually get very little time to understand each other in arranged marriages and if they find love after marriage, that is good for them. Although the background will be much more suitable, still the person has to be willing to accept the other the way he or she is. The true character of a person, as spouse, will be much more different than what it is otherwise, will come up only after the marriage has happened. Fights, differences of opinion, learning of choices and abilities might already have happened in love marriages whereas it will come as a shock for the newly weds in the arranged version. So basically both sets find themselves up the hill one time or the other, a pair of individuals who knew each other before or not.

What is the choice once you find yourself up the hill? You can remain there as long as you wish. You never feared the rain or thunderstorms before, why do you fear them now? Nothing has changed much. You can enjoy your descend the same way you have climbed the hill. Choose a different side and separate path. Alternatively you can climb further up as most find it quite often. You think you have not cared for your relatives or friends. Or that they did or did not help you reach there up. Go back to them. If they were your true friends, if they were your true relatives, you will find them happier to find you in shape. You will be glad to be with them the same way they feel. Do you feel a difference now than it was before? Naturally. You have a hand closer to you. Were your days the same always so far? No! It is bound to change and thats where the beauty of life lies. You will find the sky brighter and the stars closer if you are not alone. Life is a journey that you will enjoy more if you have a companion. Get one, if you have not already, and keep them closer. Forever!!!